"Facebook Creep" has become a term that is recognizable to anyone unfortunate enough to live in the Facebook era. While I too have an account, and have been known to creep from time to time, I have noticed that certain people have gone above and beyond the call of creepiness. I have categorized them into groups, in an attempt to not only expose them for what they are, but to warn other members of the facebook community to consider these descriptions when thinking of their friends; chances are you know at least one of them.
The Photo Creep: You have over one thousand photos. As if that isn't creepy enough, you have to be that kid at the party with the camera. This creep (which usually is a girl- but is creepier when its a guy) takes it upon themselves to document every single night, week or weekend for your specific group of friends. No one else takes pictures because we all know that no matter how stupid the situation is your gonna force it into some kind of a photo op. You title your photo albums after lyrics to popular songs like "This is why we're hot" or "Fergalicious," even though the songs themselves have no relevance to the pictures found within.
The Wall Creep: It is understandable when you receive a random message from a random friend and see that it was sent at 3 a.m... A lot of stupid things seem wall postable at 3 in the morning on a Saturday. However, this creep chooses instead to post at a time when they can assure you that not only are they completely sober, but thinking about you. Often times this creep will approach you at parties and come up with some kind of stupid inside joke like yelling "Shiver Me Timbers!" like a pirate. Then, when you wake up hung over in the morning and sign on to see whats good with the book- they have already posted "YARRR SHIVER ME TIMBERS" on your wall at 8 in the morning.
The I Haven't seen you since Grade School Creep: I completely forgot you were alive. I had finally forgotten your name, face, and how I knew you, until you friended me last week. I havent seen or heard from you since we did the Christmas pageant at church in the third grade- but your convinced we are still close enough to be friends on the book. If I reject your friend request I run the risk of hurting your feelings, (which at this point I don't really care about) and if I accept God knows how long you will creep on me through the internet.
The Poke Creep: You poke people like it isn't creepy. Well it is. Stop.
The Message Creep: Messaging on facebook has become one of the only secure ways to transmit information without making it completely public. Using that to your advantage, you send unecessarily creepy messages to people knowing that no one else will ever see it.
The I quit facebook but still creep Creep: Whether it was a rough breakup, the surfacing of comprimising photos, graduation, or you just couldn't take being on facebook anymore - you decided to call it quits. You deleted your wall, you removed all of your photos and you even removed all information except where your from and what your name is. However, you continue to creep. You are the creepiest of the creeps because your lack of participation on facebook makes you hard to track. You can creep without detection- and without worrying about covering your tracks.
The I ruin relationships through tags creep: You, like the photo creep, have an unecessarily large amount of photos. Only you don't take pictures of yourself (either because you are unattractive or emberassed of your inability to look good in pictures,) you instead take random candid shots of your not single friends at parties. You mercilessly tag them when they are at class in the hopes of causing drama with their significant other. When people confront you about it you say- "Hey, I just put up the pictures from that night- I didnt force you to have Crystal sit in your lap on the couch."
The Photo Comment Creep: You comment on photos that you aren't even in. You didn't go to the party- and chances are you don't even go to that school, but just in case everyone doesn't know that you saw the picture...you throw a comment underneath it like "Lol" or "Sexxxyy" just to remind whoever posted the photo album you still creep on them.
The Boyfriend/Girlfriend I want to know your password creep: You demand that you know the password to your boyfriend or girlfriends account. Thats super creepy.
The Event creep: You invite every single one of your friends (even if they go to the University of Southern California) to a party at your house called "Big Party." You have invited 250 people, but only 3 have rsvpd- two are your roomates and one is you. No one wants to go to your stupid parties...because they are lame. However, no one really wants to hurt your feelings, so we all click "Maybe I'll show up," knowing damn well we won't.
The my facebook picture isn't me creep: Whether your picture is Tupac, Giselle from Victorias Secret, or some fat naked guy with a mullet, you should probably just have a picture of yourself. No one really thinks its funny- we all just assume that it means you have no good pictures of yourself. You don't really creep anyone out...because your just trying to be funny. But it isn't. And baby pictures don't count either. That just makes us all think you were cuter when you were a baby- which is true for everyone...so your just stupid.
The Untagger creep: You have less that 20 pictures on your account. You are either unphotogenic or just ugly... You're at parties or events just like everyone else only when you get tagged in photos you untag them before the album is even saved. Hey...Genius....everyone sees the pictures anyways....anyone else in the photo with you will save the photo to theirs and it will be viewed by everyone you know irregardless of whether or not you want them to see it. Only when they look at it they are going to think "Hey- Mark didn't like the way he looked in this one...or this one...wow Mark has no self esteem." What do you think having only pictures of you from High School is fooling anyone? Let go. Be tagged. Live life. For all of us.
The "Hey I got your screen name from facebook" creep: Stop trying to get our relationship from wierd casual acquaintance to someone you can talk to on a regular basis. You didn't have my screen name for a reason...I only accepted your message request because I couldn't tell who it was by looking at your purposely vague screen name...its people like you that are ruining it for everyone. And now you can look at my away message and find out where I am... creep.
The group creep: You belong to over 50 groups on facebook. These groups are entitled things like "Largest facebook group ever" and "If this group gets to 1,000,000 people we can end AIDS," hey....dunce....facebook isn't going to save the world just because you teamed up with a million other creeps in one forum. We get it. You want to help people with AIDS...well this just in...your sitting at home joining groups instead of doing anything. And no- I don't want to join your group about that kid you know that people made a group about...because he's not that awsome.
After reading this article, I dare anyone with a facebook account to deny fitting into at least one of these categories. This was written in an attempt to cut down on the creepiness that is swallowing us all on facebook. However, it was also written to open our eyes as a campus, and as a generation to how "creepy" we all are.
The Photo Creep: You have over one thousand photos. As if that isn't creepy enough, you have to be that kid at the party with the camera. This creep (which usually is a girl- but is creepier when its a guy) takes it upon themselves to document every single night, week or weekend for your specific group of friends. No one else takes pictures because we all know that no matter how stupid the situation is your gonna force it into some kind of a photo op. You title your photo albums after lyrics to popular songs like "This is why we're hot" or "Fergalicious," even though the songs themselves have no relevance to the pictures found within.
The Wall Creep: It is understandable when you receive a random message from a random friend and see that it was sent at 3 a.m... A lot of stupid things seem wall postable at 3 in the morning on a Saturday. However, this creep chooses instead to post at a time when they can assure you that not only are they completely sober, but thinking about you. Often times this creep will approach you at parties and come up with some kind of stupid inside joke like yelling "Shiver Me Timbers!" like a pirate. Then, when you wake up hung over in the morning and sign on to see whats good with the book- they have already posted "YARRR SHIVER ME TIMBERS" on your wall at 8 in the morning.
The I Haven't seen you since Grade School Creep: I completely forgot you were alive. I had finally forgotten your name, face, and how I knew you, until you friended me last week. I havent seen or heard from you since we did the Christmas pageant at church in the third grade- but your convinced we are still close enough to be friends on the book. If I reject your friend request I run the risk of hurting your feelings, (which at this point I don't really care about) and if I accept God knows how long you will creep on me through the internet.
The Poke Creep: You poke people like it isn't creepy. Well it is. Stop.
The Message Creep: Messaging on facebook has become one of the only secure ways to transmit information without making it completely public. Using that to your advantage, you send unecessarily creepy messages to people knowing that no one else will ever see it.
The I quit facebook but still creep Creep: Whether it was a rough breakup, the surfacing of comprimising photos, graduation, or you just couldn't take being on facebook anymore - you decided to call it quits. You deleted your wall, you removed all of your photos and you even removed all information except where your from and what your name is. However, you continue to creep. You are the creepiest of the creeps because your lack of participation on facebook makes you hard to track. You can creep without detection- and without worrying about covering your tracks.
The I ruin relationships through tags creep: You, like the photo creep, have an unecessarily large amount of photos. Only you don't take pictures of yourself (either because you are unattractive or emberassed of your inability to look good in pictures,) you instead take random candid shots of your not single friends at parties. You mercilessly tag them when they are at class in the hopes of causing drama with their significant other. When people confront you about it you say- "Hey, I just put up the pictures from that night- I didnt force you to have Crystal sit in your lap on the couch."
The Photo Comment Creep: You comment on photos that you aren't even in. You didn't go to the party- and chances are you don't even go to that school, but just in case everyone doesn't know that you saw the picture...you throw a comment underneath it like "Lol" or "Sexxxyy" just to remind whoever posted the photo album you still creep on them.
The Boyfriend/Girlfriend I want to know your password creep: You demand that you know the password to your boyfriend or girlfriends account. Thats super creepy.
The Event creep: You invite every single one of your friends (even if they go to the University of Southern California) to a party at your house called "Big Party." You have invited 250 people, but only 3 have rsvpd- two are your roomates and one is you. No one wants to go to your stupid parties...because they are lame. However, no one really wants to hurt your feelings, so we all click "Maybe I'll show up," knowing damn well we won't.
The my facebook picture isn't me creep: Whether your picture is Tupac, Giselle from Victorias Secret, or some fat naked guy with a mullet, you should probably just have a picture of yourself. No one really thinks its funny- we all just assume that it means you have no good pictures of yourself. You don't really creep anyone out...because your just trying to be funny. But it isn't. And baby pictures don't count either. That just makes us all think you were cuter when you were a baby- which is true for everyone...so your just stupid.
The Untagger creep: You have less that 20 pictures on your account. You are either unphotogenic or just ugly... You're at parties or events just like everyone else only when you get tagged in photos you untag them before the album is even saved. Hey...Genius....everyone sees the pictures anyways....anyone else in the photo with you will save the photo to theirs and it will be viewed by everyone you know irregardless of whether or not you want them to see it. Only when they look at it they are going to think "Hey- Mark didn't like the way he looked in this one...or this one...wow Mark has no self esteem." What do you think having only pictures of you from High School is fooling anyone? Let go. Be tagged. Live life. For all of us.
The "Hey I got your screen name from facebook" creep: Stop trying to get our relationship from wierd casual acquaintance to someone you can talk to on a regular basis. You didn't have my screen name for a reason...I only accepted your message request because I couldn't tell who it was by looking at your purposely vague screen name...its people like you that are ruining it for everyone. And now you can look at my away message and find out where I am... creep.
The group creep: You belong to over 50 groups on facebook. These groups are entitled things like "Largest facebook group ever" and "If this group gets to 1,000,000 people we can end AIDS," hey....dunce....facebook isn't going to save the world just because you teamed up with a million other creeps in one forum. We get it. You want to help people with AIDS...well this just in...your sitting at home joining groups instead of doing anything. And no- I don't want to join your group about that kid you know that people made a group about...because he's not that awsome.
After reading this article, I dare anyone with a facebook account to deny fitting into at least one of these categories. This was written in an attempt to cut down on the creepiness that is swallowing us all on facebook. However, it was also written to open our eyes as a campus, and as a generation to how "creepy" we all are.
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