Start of Spring - Determined by UMass Females

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For centuries, man has labeled several sightings as symbols that winter has finally released its grip on the Northeast, and that springtime is here to stay. While many people remain devoted to watching for the return of Canadien geese, robin sightings, and the blooming of flowers- on the UMass Amherst campus it is our ladies- yes our ladies- who decide when it is, and isn't, officially springtime.



In New England, unlike other parts of the country, our female students are given several months between Thanksgiving and April when they are allowed to stop wearing makeup- start wearing hoodies- and essentially put on weight and hibernate for the duration of our winter months. While in other parts of our country, "Cali Girls" and "Southern Belles" are forced to look sexually appealing all year round, our northern biddies take full advantage of their Uggs weather and hide beneath an outer shell of four to six layers of clothing.

This- of course- has an adverse affect on the overall mood of male students on campus, and as a result, the winter months are some of our most violent as a campus. Proving that when the tank tops and skirts go away- so does the love.

But when do they come back? Is it a certain temperature? Is there an all points bulletin that men don't get? How do you all know when it is appropriate weather for some cheer shorts and a wife beater? I'll tell you how- and it begins with one brave girl.. and two cold legs.


Somewhere between March and April something amazing happens. At first it begins slowly...A lone female pokes her head out of her apartment door and decides that yes- this is skirt weather- and yes - she is going to wear one. While it is still kind of cold out, and many of the other girls on campus are still happy looking like shrews, this brave young woman walks to class with legs exposed. Many of the other girls on campus- who aren't wearing such "springy" outfits will notice that she is standing out. As the following days pass, more and more skirts, tanks, bootie shorts, and other forms of female spring apparrell will sweep campus. Finally, those hideous Uggs will go back in the closet- flip flops will come out- and girls will all at once again try to look good on a daily basis.

UMass males, in an attempt to see the girls who had been hiding all winter, will begin playing outdoor ruit, grilling, and throwing balls of all shapes and sizes. Southwest beach will become inhabited by hundreds of sun bathers, and classes will lose all priority over drinking and being out in the weather.

And who do we owe springtime to? Ill tell you one thing, it isn't some stupid bird with a red chest. It isn't flowers blooming, it isn't the stupid geese returning to fill our pond with crap... its that one brave girl. Who wherever she is, had the cahones to say "Hey, screw it- its skirt weather."